By Joe Sixpack
Posted on February 15, 2008 on Joe Sixpack

LOUSY WEATHER brings out the best in beer.

The wretched heat of summer can make even a bland yellow lager taste like a fountain of refreshment. And in the cold? There's nothing like cuddling up to a tall, dark and handsome stout.

And I'm not talking only about Guinness. The world's most popular stout is a decent quaffer, but it's really just scratching the surface when it comes to dark beer. Indeed, with temps finally dipping this week to scrotum-numbing depths, you could stand to take a stronger kick.

Check out the corner beer store, and you might be surprised at the variety of stouts that await your frozen digits. Oatmeal stout, fruit-flavored stout, Russian imperial stout, cream stout . . . I can't think of another style that has so many variants.

"With stout," said brewer Larry Bell of Michigan's Bell's Brewing, "you have your choice of so many different grains, so there's a lot of things you can do in there. You pretty much have the ability to throw in the kitchen sink."

Bell's is famous for its stouts, producing at least 10 varieties since the '90s. Today, you can grab five different Bell's stouts: the richly flavored but light-bodied Kalamazoo Stout; Java Stout, flavored with coffee; Cherry Stout with, yep, cherries; a sweet Special Double Cream Stout; and the imperial Expedition Stout, with 10.5 percent alcohol.

For Bell, the variety is a means to "reaffirm to our customers the reason we got into craft brewing: to make full-flavored beers."

It starts with roasted grain, of course - that's the source of both the dark color and stout's toasted-bread flavor. After that, as Bell notes, all bets are off. Fruit, milk and even oysters have been known to make their way into stout.

Here's a handy rundown of the varieties. Clip it out, bundle up and go grab a sixpack.

DRY (IRISH) STOUT: Typically light and very drinkable, the style's benchmark is Guinness Extra Stout. It's best served on draft on a nitrogen tap to produce that famously creamy head. Other examples: Sly Fox O'Reilly's Stout, Victory Donnybrook, Beamish, North Coast Old No. 38.

ENGLISH OR AMERICAN STOUT: The emphasis is on the dark, roasted character of the malt that gives it a coffee or chocolate flavor. The American variety won't shy away from the hops, either. Examples: Rogue Shakespeare Stout, Sierra Nevada Stout, Mendocino Black Hawk Stout, Yards Love Stout.

COFFEE STOUT: Stout's dark roasty flavors are reminiscent of a cup of joe, so why not actually brew it with coffee? Between the alcohol and the caffeine, it's like mixing uppers and downers - either way, blood flows. Examples: Brasserie Dieu Du Ciel Peche Mortal, Mikkeller Beer Geek Breakfast, Founders Kentucky Breakfast Stout, Bell's Java Stout.

MILK/SWEET STOUT: If you can flavor your stout with coffee, why not add a little cream? The sweetness here is actually from milk sugar, or lactose. Examples: Samuel Adams Cream Stout, Lancaster Milk Stout, Mackeson Stout.

FLAVORED STOUT: The best flavors are those that balance the dark, burnt character of the malt. Think of chocolate torte topped with raspberries. Examples: Magic Hat Feast of Fools, Weyerbacher Raspberry Imperial Stout, Rogue Chocolate Stout.

OATMEAL STOUT: A deliciously filling beer made with a batch of oats that seems, well, wholesome. Knock back a couple of these and you can almost feel your cholesterol dropping. Examples: Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout, Arcadia Starboard, New Holland The Poet, Wolaver's Oatmeal Stout.

RUSSIAN IMPERIAL STOUT: Probably the world's first "extreme" beer, it was originally brewed extra strong to survive the cold transport to St. Petersburg, Russia, for the royal court of Catherine the Great. Examples: Bear Republic Big Black Bear, Stone Imperial Russian Stout, Victory Storm King, Iron Hill Russian Imperial Stout.

AMERICAN IMPERIAL STOUT: Forget about shipping this beer to the Rooskies, American brewers want this full-bodied stout for themselves. Extreme alcohol levels of 10 percent or more are not uncommon; yet, at its best, it's rich and velvety, not a throat-gagger. Examples: Weyerbacher Old Heathen, Stout's Fat Dog, Dogfish Head World Wide Stout.

BARREL-AGED STOUT: The oak and vanilla notes that are produced by aging beer in used bourbon or whiskey barrels turns stout into a whole 'nother drink experience. Pour yourself a snifter, warm it in your hand and you're treated to the bracing aroma of Maker's Mark and the full-bodied pleasure of a roasted malt brew. Examples: Weyerbacher Heresy, Dominion Oak Barrel Stout, Great Divide Oak-Aged Yeti.

"Joe Sixpack" by Don Russell appears weekly in Big Fat Friday. For more on the beer scene in Philly and beyond, visit www.joesixpack.net. Send e-mail to joesixpack@phillynews.com.